When the article, “Men Prefer Debt Free Virgins without Tattoos” (link at the end) popped up in my Facebook Messenger, I thought the title was supposed to be some clickbait sarcasm, but it wasn’t.
And it’s been on my heart for days. There’s so much in this article that makes my heart hurt. And goodness, I am thankful that I live fully in the truth of the Gospel and my daughterhood of God the Father.
As a Christ-following woman who does not fit into the “Debt Free Virgins without Tattoos” box, here’s what God has laid on my heart… (limited, because this is a blog, not a book).
1. Author argument: Attending college will take away from your childbearing years and time to perfect your cooking and gardening skills.
Dearest daughters of God, you are NOT outside of God’s design if you pursue an education or career, if you can’t cook or cultivate, or if you never use your uterus.
Dearest sons of God, you are NOT outside of God’s design if you aren’t the breadwinner or if you’re a stay-at-home parent.
God’s design is that you love and serve His kingdom through the talents, skills, passions, gifts, and drive He has given you. And because of the Gospel, your worth is based solely on your identity as His child.
Every single day that I (a college grad who works full-time while pursuing a Master’s degree) go to work as a community organizer, I know deep in my soul that I am doing exactly what God has called me to do because I’m using every single passion, talent, and gift He created me to use.
*Let me be clear–stay-at-home moms are amazing women, but not every woman is called to be a stay-at-home mom. And not all women who desire to be stay-at-home moms have the financial ability to do so.
2. Author Argument: Young women shouldn’t attend college because they will teach you women to be independent and loud.
Well darn it, I’ve been independent and loud since I was a baby (just ask my poor mother). So I guess I didn’t learn that in college.
But in seriousness, the author refers to a bible passage that calls women to be meek. But the Greek word used there actually means “gentleness” and is used throughout the New Testament, calling all Christians to this way of living. Basically, God calls each and every man and woman to have a spirit of gentleness. That doesn’t mean you need to be prim and proper all the time. I mean, Jesus Himself got angry and flipped tables! We are made in His image, which means we will experience righteous anger, a sense of humor, and emotional expression. And, hi, I’m human and will never be perfect though I become more and more like Christ.
Also, God calls for partnership in relationship and marriage, but He does not call us to be dependent on anyone other than Him. There’s a beauty in two people who find their fullness and wholeness in the Father, coming together in their shortcomings and weaknesses. Work can’t fill you. Your parent can’t fill you. Your boyfriend or husband can’t fill you. God didn’t create it that way. Why would we draw near to Him if we could be filled by someone else?
3. Author Argument: If a young woman goes to college, “the [future] husband will need to take years teaching his wife the correct way to act, think, and live since college taught them every possible way that is wrong.”
There’s so much wrong here, but the thing that’s the most disturbing is the extreme pressure this places on husbands. I don’t know about you, but if God’s plan for me includes marriage, I’d like to marry a human being. And human beings will never be perfect.
Men, as wonderful as you are, as humans, you do not have the capacity to be a perfect example and “train” another human being. That’s why marriage exists! Two imperfect people with different strengths and weaknesses enter into a partnership with each other, both growing and becoming more like Christ by drawing near to him.
As a woman, I need to be pursuing the Lord and becoming more like Him. I need to be held accountable by all the people in my life, my family, my friends, and maybe eventually a husband. But the one who changes me every single day isn’t a human being, it’s Jesus Christ.
Our teacher is Christ alone. And in any type of relationship– family, work, romantic/marriage, we need to be challenging each other, but that growth comes through Christ working through the people in our lives.
Men, it isn’t your job to train your wife. It’s your job to challenge her to become more like Christ as she challenges you to be more like Christ. Hopefully, that makes you feel relief because, goodness gracious, training a human being (especially a wife) sounds like a whole lot of impossible work. Even when you have a human from before they can talk, you can’t train them (again, ask my mother).
Oh, and the tattoo thing? Randomly thrown in at the end of the article. But, too late. Already have one. And guess what? My tattoo reminds me of my identity in Jesus Christ every single day and allows me to share my faith whenever someone asks what it means.
And yes, there are lots of other problematic things in this article, but I was trying to write a blog, not a book. Link to the article here.
As always, rebuttal is welcome if you buy me a cup of black tea for a conversation based on mutual respect. Yes, I’m trying to get free black tea out of you.